Some weeks back, I met a girl who had just lost her dad. I could feel her pain in her voice and see her sorrow in her eyes, I could feel she misses him. I tried to relate but I couldn’t, coz I don’t know the feeling of loosing a dad.
I lost my dad before I turned two, i never had  the chance to feel losing him. I think that i don’t miss him either, cause you miss what you had, what you knew, what you felt… I never experience that. I don’t remember him holding me or calling my name, i don’t even remember his face or know his face, if his ghost ever  ” visit” me, I think he’ll first have to introduce himself.
The first time i saw his picture, though ( a black and white profile picture, the only one my mum had left of him) i felt like i was looking at the male version of me, so to those who say I’m a photocopy my mum, you’re wrong.. I look more like my dad. I stared at the picture and saw my eyes in his, his dark skin on me, i ware his kinky hair, and his dimples  almost made it on face and I was told that I have his finger nails and toe nails.
My mum don’t talk that much about him, the culture don’t allow to talk about the dead. So I don’t know much about his character, but I hear he was calm and reserved, unfortunately, I didn’t get that part of him, my older brother did. I’m talkative and I speak my mind. But, one day, we were watching TV, and an old song was playing ( je t’aime by Shaky and Aviva) I immediately liked it, I told my mum that I like the song, her eyes lit and she put on a smile and told me that that song was one of my dad’s favorites. She went on and told me that he loved music and he would listen to it all night. That night i played that song ’till morning dawn.
So, maybe I’m wrong, cause next time I comb my kinky hair or I put on music when I’m about to sleep, I’ll know that I miss him, even though I never knew him.

by Kanziza Linda Raissa


When your friend sends you such a thing, you can only wonder what kind of friend you have been. Have known her for almost ten years nw, but have never come to talk about her dad. Selfish me. Can only pray to be a better friend

You wear your ashes well

If you  want fire, look for it in the ashes.
German Proverb
Lay on more wood; ashes give money.


Ashes are the solid remains of a fire
Fire : strength of passion whether of hate or love.

I have a friend , Linda who could not properly pronounce the word ” cendre” the French word for ash.
She would try as she might but no, so she would opt to say “remains”
Ash is the result of fire given time to do its work. Either positive or negative fire has a result and one is ash. Ashes cannot be assembled and reshaped into the initial object that was burned.
As we have taken fire as strength of passion this will be applied in our relationships and dealing with the world. Fire can be intense love or intense hate. Both of which consume the same energy but one more filling to the actor and the other to the receiver.
There are certain relations that leave ashes. Three of them to be exact.

Figuring things out

I’m a fast grower physically. Which makes me think I skipped some steps. At one point I was the tallest in my class of 23 kids. Half of whom were older than me. Then time come and boys found whatever water they drink between age 13-17 years that makes them grow over night.
Anyway, about trying to figure things out is like reading a DA Vinci based book, it needs a lot of consecration and concentration that one gets distracted and disinterested quit fast.
Trying to figure things out at this age is even harder.


New life ahead of us each waking sunshine.

how we choose to see it is up to us

WHEN AM seated here trying to grasp all this am very much awe of what God does for me and my family. God is truely good. i might not say it very much, very often but i know up there on his throne of grace and mercy in the sky way beyond the clouds. he looks down and sees this skinny girl right here and he has pity and his everlasting GRACE.

ITS  a new beggining in my life, new people, expected new experriences, new friends, generally a new life all together.