Some weeks back, I met a girl who had just lost her dad. I could feel her pain in her voice and see her sorrow in her eyes, I could feel she misses him. I tried to relate but I couldn’t, coz I don’t know the feeling of loosing a dad.
I lost my dad before I turned two, i never had  the chance to feel losing him. I think that i don’t miss him either, cause you miss what you had, what you knew, what you felt… I never experience that. I don’t remember him holding me or calling my name, i don’t even remember his face or know his face, if his ghost ever  ” visit” me, I think he’ll first have to introduce himself.
The first time i saw his picture, though ( a black and white profile picture, the only one my mum had left of him) i felt like i was looking at the male version of me, so to those who say I’m a photocopy my mum, you’re wrong.. I look more like my dad. I stared at the picture and saw my eyes in his, his dark skin on me, i ware his kinky hair, and his dimples  almost made it on face and I was told that I have his finger nails and toe nails.
My mum don’t talk that much about him, the culture don’t allow to talk about the dead. So I don’t know much about his character, but I hear he was calm and reserved, unfortunately, I didn’t get that part of him, my older brother did. I’m talkative and I speak my mind. But, one day, we were watching TV, and an old song was playing ( je t’aime by Shaky and Aviva) I immediately liked it, I told my mum that I like the song, her eyes lit and she put on a smile and told me that that song was one of my dad’s favorites. She went on and told me that he loved music and he would listen to it all night. That night i played that song ’till morning dawn.
So, maybe I’m wrong, cause next time I comb my kinky hair or I put on music when I’m about to sleep, I’ll know that I miss him, even though I never knew him.

by Kanziza Linda Raissa


When your friend sends you such a thing, you can only wonder what kind of friend you have been. Have known her for almost ten years nw, but have never come to talk about her dad. Selfish me. Can only pray to be a better friend


I feel like sitting in the night cold and cry and cry it all out then my mother comes and holds me and makes everything feel better.

Except i don’t know why i want to cry, I have no reason to cry at the moment but yet my tears linger on, begging me to spill them out, to release them. To cry a river in this  very hot September weather.


There are those songs that make one feel like you miss someone but you cant put your hand to who it might be, my song is NDAGUKUNDA by King James, a Rwandan artist, the song basically says ”  I love you, even though sometimes I  lack the words to say.. I feel like hugging you and be calm, my love, my rib…” the beat and everything just makes go weak somewhere and I start missing what never was. The song plays on reply for long then I go to grand piano by Nicki Minaj. These two songs for me go hand in hand even though they are not related as one speaks about love and the other betray.

There are those things we seek for but don’t know how to voice, like crying, its hard to tell someone I want to cry for no apparent reason, I want my heart so broken that I cry like crazy ( but not in that type of way like death or such things). Or have that one person who broke my heart so bad that I seat down and cry for days about it, and be telling people “it hurts, don’t wish for it”.

There, out there in the cold, i wanna take a long walk and cry myself out during a jog, then fall in the arms of the one I love. is that so much to ask for.

I miss my mom

Miss you mama

irene 20150519_160330

I  give in, I’m going to cry.