whenever things change, whenever the one person you talk to before bed is away,far off and you can’t explain why, you curl yourself and hold yourself in a fatal position. Before we even go there let me share this poem by Elizabeth Barrett Browning
I have been in the meadows all the day
And gathered there the nosegay that you see
Singing within myself as bird or bee
When such do field-work on a morn of May.
But, now I look upon my flowers, decay
Has met them in my hands more fatally
Because more warmly clasped,–and sobs are free
To come instead of songs. What do you say,
Sweet counselors, dear friends ? that I should go
Back straightway to the fields and gather more ?
Another, sooth, may do it, but not I !
My heart is very tired, my strength is low,
My hands are full of blossoms plucked before,
Held dead within them till myself shall die.
So as much as we as human being are and can try to be as optimistic as they can, we just find ourselves looking at the flowers, we woke up very early in the morning to pick up, decay in our hands and just seat there and listen to the most depressing love songs in the hope that things will bloom again and life will be okay. Asking ourselves if love is a verb or an noun or even an adjective that no one has ever been able to understand.
So as I am learning that I have not grown it this area of defining the words in my vocabulary for the last 6 years, bare with me and let’s define the words we use. Yesterday while I was having a chat with an old friend of mine, there was this thing she said that is still haunting me at this moment, why do you want him to text you, chicka you got a crush!?!!!!! there are those things that make one feel manipulable, vulnerable and such, mine is being not in control and wanting, needing someone for something, missing someone is very confusing for and to me.
I would like to look at the different way people have defined missing someone.There is this song: parler a mon pere by Celine Dion, where she says that she would like like to go where my heart feels safe.. cross the oceans…but above all I would like to talk to my father. It’s a very nice song but it does not answer my question.
“Henry was learning that time apart has a way of creating distance- more than mountains and time zone separating them. Real distance, the kind that makes you ache and stop wondering. Longing so bad that it begins to hurt to care so much.”
― Jamie Ford, Hotel on the Corner of Bitter and Sweet
When I read that it made sense because there is that ache that one feels. Then again
“However much you have been wanting and hoping and dreaming of meeting the person of your dreams, it is only when you meet them that you will start missing them. It seems that the presence of an object is required to make its absence felt (or to make the absence of something felt). A kind of longing may have preceded their arrival, but you have to meet in order to feel the full force of your frustration in their absence.”
― Adam Phillips, Missing Out: In Praise of the Unlived Life
I don’t know how true that is, but i am sure it could be true. 🙂
“It’s hard when you miss people. But you know if you miss them, that means you’re lucky. It means you had someone special in your life, someone worth missing.”
― Nikki Schiefelbein
Remember the saying it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. I think it applies here.
And then there is the crazy, stalker, psychopathic, creepy and sorrowful that chills you like that big eyed kid in the horror movies, who is too adorable but is the mastermind of the whole demons and killings:
“I’m awful about your name. I still jump when I hear it. I still feel it rattling somewhere in my stomach. I think I’m jealous of anyone that gets to say it because it’s not my right anymore. Years from now I’ll be standing in a supermarket and someone will casually brush past me, your name falling from their mouth like confetti. I’ll drop everything that I’m holding. My knees will wobble in the way they only did when I was with you. Years from now I’ll still remember how your name tasted in my mouth and I’ll have to start missing you all over again.”
“Have u loved someone so deep in your heart, u wanted to keep them hidden & all to yourself?”
― Dinesh Kumar Biran
CREEPPPY I TELL YOU!!!!!!
Anyway, there is this new one that has surfaced with all this social media phenomena that has creaped in our lives.
“Its been a long time we both talked properly. I guess its because many thing went wrong between us and I know its difficult to get back on the road; road on which we used to travel before. You know every time I open my messenger the first thing that i check is that whether you’re online or not. Let’s begin again and try not to discuss on old shits.. Love you”
― Taimoor Madni
And then above all there is that one you feel, that one that you can’t explain even if you tried. That psssshhhhh one that has no word in the dictionary that could very well say it.There is this kind, my dear friends, that make you want to listen to opera music because that way you can scream and shout and the music accompaniments will still be in rhythm.
I am dealing with mine while listening to Beethoven Symphony Number 7.
Note: to those that have asked about the difference between natural hair and permed/ treated/ chemically treated hair, I will write about it soon.