What is it that you give in a relationships ?


Once I said I was going to talk about relationships but all over a sudden i got the heat for hair things and entirely forgot. Sorry to those who waited for it and were disappointed. I am working on it though so that  I can have a separate section for natural hair and another for such topics as this. Please bare with me as  i organize myself.

So my take on relationships.

“It is up to each person to recognize his or her true preferences.”
Isabel Briggs Myers
 One of my friends’sister is getting married soon. I have never been so excited about two people getting married like these two. Why, you may ask. One is that, this couple is probably one in a million, or billion. The guy has had a crush on the girl since class five. 18++ years later they are getting married. The long and short of this story is that they give me hope for a proper relationship not the one that is presented to us in the media. There is work in a relationship, there is family involved in a relationship. You cannot give what you don’t have. If you don’t know who you are. What you stand for. What are your boundaries. How far are you willing to go. If you cannot be intentional or what it means to be intentional. I believe these things are important,if you can’t answer any of them, what are you offering? A body????
 I  can say there is a lot  involved for it to come to be, sustenance and growth. Have you ever looked at something and it’s just there, where it was a year ago, no progress. I hate such friendships, you always have to walk on tip toes with such people, on eggshells all the time, you can’t  be frank with them ( I have a thing for frankness) you can’t be honest because they will stop talking to you. Such friendships suck big time y’all! I take the same take on relationships,  if we ain’t moving mountains lets just crumble this whole thing.

 

‘ if love can be chemically induced does it matter if the lovers will do the dry cleaning anyways? the point The Effect ( A singaporean theatre production) makes is that there is a difference between infatuation and love. The former can be kindled by volatile chemicals made to react under controlled situations, but love requires steady hard work unfazed by personal catastrophe.’

– Akshita Nanda

Relationships is about something bigger, than just momentary, monetary pleasures. It is about love. It’s about growth.

I am an ENFP( one of the sixteen types of personality.) meaning i don’t like monotonous things. I prefer to focus externally, the world around me,  I prioritize people and emotions. I am curious to know what makes people tick. So, intellectual curiosity is very important to me. This is to mean that, relationships require a conversation. A relationship is a between two people, if you cannot hold a conversation going for more than one hour what are you doing. Which brings me to the next thing I think people of my age should consider, long term.

A relationship is long term. You select this human being and decide to upgrade them on the higher scale of friendship by adding romance. This human being will affect you, change you, influence you, understand you, be there for you, hold you down. If it’s a two days thing then it’s not a relationship. And won’t it be nice to invest in something that will make us happy for such a long time. I mean have pity on your heart and brain. Introducing each month or year to your heart a new human being and ending up broken is hard.

So may take really is, relationships is a lot  of work, but when you enjoy what you are doing time passes by so fast. So select that one human being who makes life fun and upgrade him/her from the friendship level to the romance level. Remember what they say: are you equally yorked?
Jo-
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6 thoughts on “What is it that you give in a relationships ?

  1. Yea… I agree with you here. The way people easily say I Love You… even after just a week of knowing each other.. like its that easy for love to come. They plunge into marriages like their love is all that matters.

    Loving someone encompasses a lot of things. Like how well do you understand each other, and what are you willing to ignore or accept. Does his/her sneeze irritate you and do you mind that she doesn’t brush at nights. These are the other kind of little things some “love” don’t see pass through

    Like

  2. Jo, i like this post, mainly because it has awoken me. I was having this tendency to venture off to negative thoughts regarding relationships. I hope someday you can give us some tips on how to “select that one human being who makes life fun and upgrade him/her from the friendship level to the romance level”.
    Thank you!

    Like

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