I feel like sitting in the night cold and cry and cry it all out then my mother comes and holds me and makes everything feel better.

Except i don’t know why i want to cry, I have no reason to cry at the moment but yet my tears linger on, begging me to spill them out, to release them. To cry a river in this  very hot September weather.


There are those songs that make one feel like you miss someone but you cant put your hand to who it might be, my song is NDAGUKUNDA by King James, a Rwandan artist, the song basically says ”  I love you, even though sometimes I  lack the words to say.. I feel like hugging you and be calm, my love, my rib…” the beat and everything just makes go weak somewhere and I start missing what never was. The song plays on reply for long then I go to grand piano by Nicki Minaj. These two songs for me go hand in hand even though they are not related as one speaks about love and the other betray.

There are those things we seek for but don’t know how to voice, like crying, its hard to tell someone I want to cry for no apparent reason, I want my heart so broken that I cry like crazy ( but not in that type of way like death or such things). Or have that one person who broke my heart so bad that I seat down and cry for days about it, and be telling people “it hurts, don’t wish for it”.

There, out there in the cold, i wanna take a long walk and cry myself out during a jog, then fall in the arms of the one I love. is that so much to ask for.

I miss my mom

Miss you mama

irene 20150519_160330

I  give in, I’m going to cry.

the journey before the cut

I have had natural hair all my life. But, that does not mean i have had healthy hair all my life. May hair has had its days of unhealthiness, mistreatment, breakage, chops,big chops and all that comes with ignorance of how to take care of ones natural hair.

As we learn from others, i don’t know how one day I was bored in my room and was surfing the net  I found this Natural hair thing,  I was impressed by how much dedication women put on their hair and the results were there to reimburse their struggle. Normally, i tell myself i have good hair, it is also a fact  😉 just kidding. Anyhow, i have been told to have good hair, i mean my mother has the most gorgeous hair ever…never mind this is my hair


straight from washing
straight from washing

so after i saw the article i become youtube addict watching everything about 4Chair, even learning the lingo was like learning for my assignements. It took me a month, then i started washing my hair at home stopped using heat and all those damaging products. That was last year 2014 around November. since that time i have gotten a lot of compliments regarding my hair and a lot of jealous girls- i feed off people’s jealousy,lol – b/c of my hair. As i keep on reading and learning about hair i have noticed what i have been doing wrong and the only way to remedy the mistakes is doing a cut. Or  not………………..PhotoGrid_1442922567711

Burning of books

When the Regime
commanded the unlawful books to be burned,
teams of dull oxen hauled huge cartloads to the bonfires.

Then a banished writer, one of the best,
scanning the list of excommunicated texts,
became enraged: he’d been excluded!

He rushed to his desk, full of contemptuous wrath,
to write fierce letters to the morons in power —
Burn me! he wrote with his blazing pen —
Haven’t I always reported the truth?
Now here you are, treating me like a liar!                              
Burn me!
BY Bertolt Brecht


How in this day and age it is hard to find a good man who can write this message today. We don’t get enraged anymore. My french teacher used to say ‘dangeruex comme un chien enrager’ -dangerous like an enraged dog-  an enraged dog according to my teacher had some disease that was very contagious and that is why people moved out of their way. It is hard to find in my scope at the moment a dangerous- enraged – enough to contaminated others and bring them to his side to report the truth, write letters to the morons in power, die for a course and not because of some banned herb that they now get high on for creativity.

You wear your ashes well

If you  want fire, look for it in the ashes.
German Proverb
Lay on more wood; ashes give money.


Ashes are the solid remains of a fire
Fire : strength of passion whether of hate or love.

I have a friend , Linda who could not properly pronounce the word ” cendre” the French word for ash.
She would try as she might but no, so she would opt to say “remains”
Ash is the result of fire given time to do its work. Either positive or negative fire has a result and one is ash. Ashes cannot be assembled and reshaped into the initial object that was burned.
As we have taken fire as strength of passion this will be applied in our relationships and dealing with the world. Fire can be intense love or intense hate. Both of which consume the same energy but one more filling to the actor and the other to the receiver.
There are certain relations that leave ashes. Three of them to be exact.